I am sure parents with more than one child know that attention needs to be spread, as much as possible, equally between your children. With the birth of our second son in March it has been a wonderful experience to see him develop through the stages. Now he is on the brink of walking! I don't want to miss it. Our oldest son is a very independent 8 year old. He is content playing with his electronic circuit set, Legos or his DS game. It is easy to let him play while I enjoy the time with the youngest, Vitorio.
Knowing all this and how each child NEEDS some one to one time with us we look for opportunities to provide the kids with this time. Last night, was one of those times. My oldest son, Anthony, enjoys playing hockey and we stayed local and went to see the local high school hockey team play. It was a great night out. We arrived at the rink bought some popcorn and found excellent seats high in the bleachers. We chatted about hockey and when game time came my son's inner fan came out as he cheered for the team! "Keep that puck in the zone!" he yelled. "Don't give up!" he shouted. Clapping and screaming with every goal and signs of frustration with every goal the other team scored. In the end, our team lost. He was pretty upset. (I like that he is so passionate and emotional) Trying to console him I told him that tonight was not all about the game. I explained that tonight was about us spending some quality time together, chatting about hockey, rooting for our team and enjoying some popcorn together. Putting his arm around me he said, "Thanks Dad." As we waited for the crowd to dissipate and watching the Zamboni clean the ice, I sat there enjoying the moment.
My son and I have enjoyed our "Guys Nights". I hope to continue them with our new son but always remembering that each child will need their own "Guys Night".
How do you ensure each of your children gets the attention that they seek or need?
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Sunday, December 20, 2015
I Don't Know!
A brief conversation between my eight year old son Anthony and I as I picked him after school.
Dad: Hey, how was school?
Anthony: Awesome!
Dad: It was a rainy day today. Did you go outside for recess?
Anthony: I don't know.
Dad (A bit confused and frustrated): What do you mean you don't know? You don't know if you went outside or not?
Anthony (A bit frustrated with dad asking questions): Yeah! I don't know!
Conversation over.
Have you ever had a conversation like this with your child?
Well, on this rainy day, I had my fill of "I don't know" and decided to try to tackle the issue. The conversation started as we were driving to religion class. I felt what I needed to do first was directly address the issue. I wanted Anthony to understand that I love that he is so excited about school and his friends and I want to know about his day. I went on to explain that I don't see him all day and enjoy having a conversation about what he did during his day at school. I also expressed how frustrated it is for me when he quickly responds to my questions with "I don't know." I then asked him why he responds with "I don't know." His answer surprised me a bit. He did tell me that sometimes he just doesn't want to talk right after school or doesn't want to talk about school and sometimes he said he doesn't remember. I could relate to him. There are days I come home from work and don't want to talk about my day and there are times I don't remember what I had for breakfast. Even though I could relate I was not going to allow the "I don't know" response to stand. Our conversation took a nice turn where we began to talk about strategies to remember what we did during the day and statements we could say to someone, ME, if they ask a question and he could not recall the answer right away. One strategy we discussed was to visualize. If he was asked about recess, like I did, he could visualize getting ready for recess. This worked. When he visualized himself getting ready for recess he said he saw himself getting his coat and remembered he went outside for recess. When thinking about what he could say to someone asking him a question about his day we came up with the statement, "I'm not sure. Let me think about that for a minute." If he truly does not want to talk he could say, "I'm not in the mood to talk right now. Can we chat later." This comment came out of a side topic about being respectful when speaking to others.
Have the strategies and statements been working? I have seen Anthony pause before answering a question I might ask. Recently, during dinner I asked Anthony a question and before responding he did say, "Let me think." Looking back I also think he was using the "I don't know" statement to quickly end a conversation so he could focus on something else.
Have you had to address this or a similar issue with your child? If so please share.
Dad: Hey, how was school?
Anthony: Awesome!
Dad: It was a rainy day today. Did you go outside for recess?
Anthony: I don't know.
Dad (A bit confused and frustrated): What do you mean you don't know? You don't know if you went outside or not?
Anthony (A bit frustrated with dad asking questions): Yeah! I don't know!
Conversation over.
Have you ever had a conversation like this with your child?
Well, on this rainy day, I had my fill of "I don't know" and decided to try to tackle the issue. The conversation started as we were driving to religion class. I felt what I needed to do first was directly address the issue. I wanted Anthony to understand that I love that he is so excited about school and his friends and I want to know about his day. I went on to explain that I don't see him all day and enjoy having a conversation about what he did during his day at school. I also expressed how frustrated it is for me when he quickly responds to my questions with "I don't know." I then asked him why he responds with "I don't know." His answer surprised me a bit. He did tell me that sometimes he just doesn't want to talk right after school or doesn't want to talk about school and sometimes he said he doesn't remember. I could relate to him. There are days I come home from work and don't want to talk about my day and there are times I don't remember what I had for breakfast. Even though I could relate I was not going to allow the "I don't know" response to stand. Our conversation took a nice turn where we began to talk about strategies to remember what we did during the day and statements we could say to someone, ME, if they ask a question and he could not recall the answer right away. One strategy we discussed was to visualize. If he was asked about recess, like I did, he could visualize getting ready for recess. This worked. When he visualized himself getting ready for recess he said he saw himself getting his coat and remembered he went outside for recess. When thinking about what he could say to someone asking him a question about his day we came up with the statement, "I'm not sure. Let me think about that for a minute." If he truly does not want to talk he could say, "I'm not in the mood to talk right now. Can we chat later." This comment came out of a side topic about being respectful when speaking to others.
Have the strategies and statements been working? I have seen Anthony pause before answering a question I might ask. Recently, during dinner I asked Anthony a question and before responding he did say, "Let me think." Looking back I also think he was using the "I don't know" statement to quickly end a conversation so he could focus on something else.
Have you had to address this or a similar issue with your child? If so please share.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Reminiscing with each Ornament Hung
This is our first Christmas as a family of FOUR! I enjoy this time of year. I especially enjoy decorating the Christmas Tree. As we unpack the ornaments and reminisce as we hang each special ornament. The little porcelain baby shoes with our first son's birth date, weight and inches or the Tom and Jerry cartoon figures we purchased the year that our son watched nothing but Tom and Jerry and how his laugh was infectious to the point where my wife and I would begin laughing. I love that each year the amount of ornaments tied to family memories increases. This year I am looking forward to adding our new son's porcelain shoes to the tree. Do you have any Christmas Tree traditions? Please share.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Dad do you think ...
"Dad, do you think chess is a great game?" "Dad, do you think hockey is awesome?" "Dad, do you think building with Legos is cool?"
My eight year old son Anthony poses these types of questions to me almost daily. Why does he poses such questions to me? He must know I would respond with a "YES!" to all of the questions. I introduced him to chess. I played hockey when I was younger and he is playing with some of the Legos I had when I was a kid. So why is he asking? I believe he is looking for my approval or it is his way to express that we have this common bond. Either way I hesitate to give him a quick, "yes". A quick response would end the conversation. His questions not only provide a window into his passions but also an poses an opportunity for us to have a longer conversation. I will typically respond with a question. "Why do you enjoy chess so much?" Sometimes, I will indirectly answer his question and follow up with a question. "I love hockey because it is a fast paced game and you switch from offensive to defensive in a blink of an eye. Are there things you enjoy about the game?" These types of responses expands our conversation. They also provide him an opportunity to explain his thoughts. I love listening to him speak and begin to develop his own opinions.
My eight year old son Anthony poses these types of questions to me almost daily. Why does he poses such questions to me? He must know I would respond with a "YES!" to all of the questions. I introduced him to chess. I played hockey when I was younger and he is playing with some of the Legos I had when I was a kid. So why is he asking? I believe he is looking for my approval or it is his way to express that we have this common bond. Either way I hesitate to give him a quick, "yes". A quick response would end the conversation. His questions not only provide a window into his passions but also an poses an opportunity for us to have a longer conversation. I will typically respond with a question. "Why do you enjoy chess so much?" Sometimes, I will indirectly answer his question and follow up with a question. "I love hockey because it is a fast paced game and you switch from offensive to defensive in a blink of an eye. Are there things you enjoy about the game?" These types of responses expands our conversation. They also provide him an opportunity to explain his thoughts. I love listening to him speak and begin to develop his own opinions.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Delivery Day! Boy, I ate well.
Welcome to the "2 Boys and a Dad" blog. I have started this blog to record my journey through fatherhood and share my stories and limited experience and advice with the world. Who am I kidding. I am just a simple dad with a desire to share my experiences with anyone who will listen.
I became a dad for the first time on September 11, 2007. What I remember most about the day was the food. Food! Yes, the food. We arrived at the hospital a little before 6:00AM. Unfortunately my wife was not permitted to eat since she was in labor. I on the other hand was free to devour any food I could find. I enjoyed three delicious meals and several snacks all the while offering my wife some tasty ice chips. I still remember the burger I had for dinner. YUMMY!
All kidding aside, the day was filled excitement followed by anxiety and nervousness. We sat, held hands, talked about our future watched some 9/11 memorials on t.v. When the time came we were both ready and I was as supportive as a husband could be. I said the stupid things like, "It's O.K" as she was screaming in pain. I felt silly telling her to push as she was red faced and pushing and I was trying not to scream as she was clenching my hand nails almost piercing my skin. I felt a bit helpless. When it was over we were the proud parents of a 7 lbs 14 oz baby boy.
It always amazes me that I went from a husband to a father in a matter of seconds. My world and focus changed from Me to Him.
I became a dad for the first time on September 11, 2007. What I remember most about the day was the food. Food! Yes, the food. We arrived at the hospital a little before 6:00AM. Unfortunately my wife was not permitted to eat since she was in labor. I on the other hand was free to devour any food I could find. I enjoyed three delicious meals and several snacks all the while offering my wife some tasty ice chips. I still remember the burger I had for dinner. YUMMY!
All kidding aside, the day was filled excitement followed by anxiety and nervousness. We sat, held hands, talked about our future watched some 9/11 memorials on t.v. When the time came we were both ready and I was as supportive as a husband could be. I said the stupid things like, "It's O.K" as she was screaming in pain. I felt silly telling her to push as she was red faced and pushing and I was trying not to scream as she was clenching my hand nails almost piercing my skin. I felt a bit helpless. When it was over we were the proud parents of a 7 lbs 14 oz baby boy.
It always amazes me that I went from a husband to a father in a matter of seconds. My world and focus changed from Me to Him.
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